Cottage Life
Mikey Goes On Vacation
I’m heading north to a special lake in the famous Muskoka area of central Ontario. Muskoka is Toronto’s traditional summer getaway being only 140 kms from the city limits. I’ll be spending a week in a rented cottage with my family which consists of two sisters, a brother, two nieces and two nephews. Also staying with us are assorted spouses and current romantic interests that stay as little as one afternoon or as long as the whole week. We have relatives and friends at the lake, some of whom live there year round. These people are the reason why we have personal history with the area dating back to the mid 1950s.
The Best Kept Secret Since Polka-Dot Underwear
Muskoka was “discovered” by celebrities and the rich who like to hang with the stars three decades ago. Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell, Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks and Cindy Crawford just to name a few either bought properties or rented luxury vacation homes built with the rich and spoiled in mind driving land values through the roof. This was mainly on adjoining Lakes Rosseau and Muskoka whose southern end bordered on the town of Gravenhurst. But when you get to Gravenhurst coming north from Toronto you’ve already been in the Muskoka area for 22.6 kms. And there’s lakes on both sides of the highway that you can’t see. Pristine lakes untainted by renown, fortune or notoriety. We were a bit nervous when the Ben Mulroney family and staff stayed for two weeks a few summers ago. We photographed his father fly-fishing with Kim Campbell off the front deck. So far that’s bought us their silence.
So what’s the name of the Lake we go to? Oh hell, it won’t be a secret if I tell you, now will it? To reconsider though, out of the millions of people who read my blog I don’t believe there’s even one celebrity. So I’m safe there. But there’s a ton of Americans. And they’re all rich. Fess up my spoon-fed, self entitled US readers……..you’d just love to buy up every cabin on the lake, slap a coat of paint on each of them, plant a few flowers and artificially raise the property values. Wouldn’t you eh? Huh? Eh? Huh? Well, I got news for you. If your place of domicile for six months or more of any given year is the United States, its territories and possessions (except Florida, we go there every winter and they’re pissed off at us enough as it is) you will pay a 50% TARIFF on all real estate transactions. That’s right. A 50% TARIFF. And if Donald Duck Trump insults our boy in Ottawa once more…….oops! another 10%. So there’s no mistake I repeat, a TARIFF has been levied. One a TARIFF two a TARIFF three a TARIFF four a TARIFF.
Morrison Lake
Okay readers, not just Americans but Canadians, Brazillions, Lutonians, Ferengis (not Russians…..nice Ruskies, Moscovians, Saint Petersburgians………don’t bite me, I be nice blogger) are you happy? You’ve forced me into revealing the name of my port in the storm, my Shangrila, my Elysium (my what?). Anyway, thats where I will be this week and I will post each day’s exciting description of gluttony, alcoholism and inner family squabbles for your entertainment.