The Bright Red Mud
The Road To Anne Land
It’s magnificent—truly awesome. Usually, when I’ve been media-hyped to death about some “have-to-see” thing, I’m less than inspired by the reality. Not this time.
What an absolutely stunning marvel of engineering it is; all eight breathtaking miles of it.
Of course, I’m talking about the Trans Canada Highway connection between Prince Edward Island and New Brunswick, known as the “Confederation Bridge.”
I’ve been to P.E.I. a few times since the bridge opened in 1997, but it was via Air Canada or a private jet. This recent visit was my first up-close experience with it.
There’s currently a push by the P.E.I. legislature to change the name to Epekwitk Crossing. At first glance (and second and third), the pronunciation looks to be as challenging as the original Gaelic of my own name, Ò’Hlfearnáin.
In 1997, ideas for an official name were requested. From the banal “Spud Highway” to the witty “Span of Green Gables” (attributed to Mary McAleese, President of Ireland), there were many and varied submissions.
Nobody Told Me
Here are a few I would have suggested had I known they were asking:
“Probable Causeway”
“Bigwood Biway” A salute to Joey Smallwood, the last of the big Fathers of Confederation.
“Tater Transport”
And, in recognition of the Acadian communities on the N.B. side:
“Pont De La Pomme De Terre”
Hmmm, all of these are… wait for it… “a stretch.” Go ahead and groan, done yet?
I kinda like “Probable Causeway.”
Rush Minute In Charlottetown
Barry and I drove from Moncton to the fourth stop on the tour. Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island.
After being totally blown away by the bridge, we were less than impressed with the Confederation Centre For The Arts. Not the place itself, it’s a beautiful theatre, just that it was so hard to get to. We drove around in circles for 45 minutes, looking for a place to drop off the equipment. It wasn’t easy getting near the building. There was lots going on and tons of people. Some roads had been turned into pedestrian malls.
I finally pulled over so Barry could run into the hall and get some information. When he got back, he said we needed to use the blocked-off road we saw earlier on the other side of the building. It meant pulling out into oncoming traffic and making two illegal left turns. There were cops around. I could see them, but they didn’t see me because I got away with it. Going down the pedestrian mall was interesting. The people there were so friendly I only heard ‘ASSHOLE!” twice. I spotted two guys waving and pointing at what looked to be a small ramp over the curb leading into a brick wall. They were yelling something, but it was so noisy that it was hard to make out. It was either “Turn left!”, which appeared to be suicidal, or “You’re deaf!” which I found offensive, or “Fucking Ontario drivers!” to which I agreed, having recently traveled on the most god-forsaken, soul-sucking stretch of road in Canada…. the QEW.
By now, I was tired of this game, so I turned left where those guys were waving, ready to stop inches from the brick wall. Suddenly, it wasn’t a wall at all. It was a huge door opening into a small area with a loading dock.
I have History Here
I’d played this theatre four, maybe five times before. The first time was in January 1978 with Shirley Eikhard. The other times were with Gord, but it wasn’t always to do a full concert.
There was a very long-running television show in Canada on CBC called Front Page Challenge. The show featured well-known media journalists asking a mystery guest questions about a significant news event that the guest was part of. The object was to identify this person.
In 1989, Gord was the mystery guest, and the news event was the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Front Page Challenge was touring Canadian cities, and this one was being videotaped in Charlottetown.
As part of the show, Gord, Terry, and I performed a stripped-down version of East Of Midnight from our latest album/CD after the panel had guessed Gord’s identity.
Completely At Ease Meeting Celebrities
It was very cool and a lot of fun. Afterward, at a reception, I shmoozed my way over to where one of the panelists, Pierre Burton, was talking to some of the guests. Mr. Burton was a well-known media personality and the author of many best-selling books about Canadian history. His books don’t read like academic treatises with a PHD pickle up their ass. Instead, they are entertaining, well-researched page-turners, hence their popularity. I wanted to meet him.
Servers were bringing around trays with glasses of champagne and small food items that you never see anywhere else except at receptions. Like cocktail wieners.
It would take twenty dollars and a double dog dare to get me to eat one. Mr. Burton had just popped one in his mouth as I stuck out my hand and said:
“Hi. I’m Mike Heffernan, Gord’s keyboard player, and I’d like to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed reading your books.”
As we shook hands, the only audible response I got was a gurgle and a muffled cough. Who could blame his esophagus for barring a cocktail weenie from entering?
I recall that for a moment, his eyes rolled around. There was a scary twenty seconds or so of silence, after which he managed to utter a laboured thank you. With my inside voice, I was like, “Dude, thank you for not requiring me to go all Heimlich on you.”
BUZZ NEWS P.E.I. DIVISION
Last night, the Lightfoot Band put on a show at the Confederation Centre For The Arts that thrilled the sold-out audience. I thought there might be a riot when they called unsuccessfully for a third encore. I have to admit, they sound incredible. This is due in large part to Mike Heffernan’s brilliant keyboard stylings. He supplies the magic carpet for everyone to ride on. A handsome man looking much younger than the number on his birth certificate, he’s also quite the engaging storyteller combining humour with intelligence. The other guys were good too.
Ahem……sorry, I made that up. It’s just so much fun to see something like that in print.