The Shirley Years part six
Breakfast with Shirley
In the early spring of 1979, Shirley and I had a meeting with a CBC television producer concerning a show they were planning, a Christmas tour of Canada’s arctic Armed Forces bases.
They were looking to put together a one-hour special with clips from concerts in Alert, Inuvik, and Yellowknife.
We left the meeting on a positive note, and I promptly forgot about it.
Shirley and I pushed ahead with the project I described in part 5, and after that, I took a job as music director for The Mighty Pope.
I’m serious. He was a singer originally from Jamaica with a couple of semi-hit records in Canada, and he called himself The Mighty Pope. I’ll leave the details for another post.
One morning in early November, I got a call from Shirley. After the usual formalities, she said,
“Rehearsals start December 10 in Ottawa.”
“For what?”
“That tour of Armed Forces bases in the Arctic.”
I just about dropped my bowl of Captain Crunch.
“The what, where?”
“The meeting we had last April with the CBC producer, remember?”
The fog started to clear.
“Oh shit, I forgot. The North Pole!”
Technically not true, but our first show would be at CFS Alert, the northernmost inhabited place in the world. Two thousand seven hundred and eight miles straight north from Toronto.
The details started to come back to me. Every year, entertainers travel to the remote bases in the Northwest Territories for a series of Christmas shows. This time the CBC decided to come along and produce a special.
There would be four musical acts and a comedy duo, with four days of rehearsal and a day to record the theme song. Then we would drive down to CFS Trenton to catch a gigantic Hercules military transport and start the tour.
The show had a music director, Tommy Graham, and the band would have six players, only one of whom I’d worked with before.
I assumed it would be a reading gig with each artist bringing their own arrangements. However, it didn’t turn out that way. With 24 hours of rehearsal spread over four days, a real luxury, everyone just brought lead sheets with chords and lyrics, and we arranged on the fly.
The Band
Bob Doidge Bass…………………… My old friend and band-mate
Bruce Macmillan Drums…………. Recommended by the original drummer who chickened out
Allan Walsh Sax……………………. Came as a package with Robert Paquette. Berklee trained
Ted Gerow Keyboards………….. Five Man Electrical Band alumnus
Mike Heffernan Keyboards……. You know
Tommy Graham Guitar………….. Music director. Former member of The Big Town Boys
Gotta Love the CBC
On the first day we recorded the theme, a song by Paul Anka. We did it at a CBC recording studio in Ottawa whose equipment badly needed some servicing. For one thing, the erase button didn’t work. We had to play the band track all the way through without a mistake, which we did, but then Tommy had some overdubs for me to do. That was pressure.
“We need a few legato fills here and there,” he said.
“What kind of sound?” I asked, staring at my Moog synthesizer, which had a gazillion of them.
“You choose,” he said, “and fast. They’re booting us out of here soon.”
This would be a better story with elements of classic farce had I played a bad note and collapsed on the couch sobbing. But I didn’t. ….Hit a bad note, I mean.
Hats off, no weed, and extra skivvies
On Friday evening, there was a full assembly of entertainers and crew, twenty-seven people, in a convention room at the hotel. A military officer, the producer, and a production supervisor took turns informing us of what we could expect and what was expected of us.
- We were to be in Trenton, Ontario, the next day by 1 pm for hotel check-in. Later we would gather at the base for a final briefing.
- Arctic coats, pants, boots, hats, balaclavas, etc. were issued with a list of what was required to be either worn or immediately available at all times.
- Possession or use of any recreational drug, including cannabis, was strictly forbidden.
There were instructions to pay close attention to emergency procedures both on the base and in the airplane.
Take-off was at 08:00 the next day, Sunday, December 16.
There was a special bit of whispered advice for the females of the entourage:
“Go to the local K-Mart and buy underwear…..?? Size S.”
I’ll explain later.
Lacking Confidence
Just two days before this assembly, the nine-month-old federal government of Joe Clark was defeated in a non-confidence vote forcing an election. Our political system here in Canada is a little different from the US version.
This news forced the comedy duo Sears & Switzer, whose specialty was political satire, to re-write their whole routine in an all-nighter on the 14th.
This and the broken tape machine were minor snags. A slightly more serious problem occurred as we traveled to Alert in the military airplane.
What are the odds?
First, a word or two about the C-130 Hercules: Designed as a troop carrier and cargo transport, it can also carry and deploy 90 paratroopers. The cargo area is big enough for two M1A2 battle tanks or eight armoured vehicles. The seating isn’t at all like what you find in a commercial aircraft. There are rows of belted mesh-like slings facing port and starboard that you sort of sag into rather than sit. Passengers and cargo access the plane through a large drop-down ramp at the back near the tail.
It cruises at 335 mph, which is roughly half that of a Boeing 747. With a fuel stop in Frobisher Bay (now called Iqaluit), and an 8 am departure from Trenton, we had an ETA in Alert of 6 pm.
CAF regulations required that we wore or carried part of our issued Arctic gear onto the airplane. The coat, hat, boots, and gloves. The rest, including pants and balaclava, could be stowed with our bags. This was in the event of an emergency landing and subsequent exit from the aircraft, which could be a long way from shelter. These precautions were for situations that almost never happen…. Almost.