MtH weekly #2 Dating Destiny
Hi everybody and welcome to the second of my weekly reports. Now I say weekly, but it might be a little bit over-ambitious to expect fifty-two of these in a year. Forty is more realistic. If it gets close to midnight on a Sunday and there still isn’t a report it doesn’t mean that they won’t be resuming the very next weekend. It just means I’m lazy or drunk. Or dead. And if you’re aware of my demise and still keep looking for the reports, chances are you’re also a Donald Trump supporter.
In my last report I made reference to a former spouse in one of my election anecdotes. At age Sixty I got “exed”. Likely, as a result of my reaction to this, which was to be generally irritable and surly to all, I was encouraged by certain band-mates to hurry up and find a new companion. At one point Rick said “That ship has sailed. Move on.”
Not exactly what he said. I edited out a dramatic adjective and a locker-room phrase.
With that admonition still fresh, I took it as a sign when my cousin, who herself had been admitted suddenly into the sixty and over singles club, suggested I try one of those internet “introduction services”.
This week’s topic:
ONLINE DATING
Parts of this are from a report to a relative-in-law who’s writing a book about romance after age sixty.
Long story short, I contacted one of those services, had two long phone calls with a lady at their office who told me I was absolutely perfect! I was tempted to say “okay, let’s skip the crap and the fee and I’ll date you”.
That reminded me to ask how much those fees would be. She wouldn’t say. She did say that this was quite a bit more involved than your usual online dating. She asked me to come in for a personal interview and we could discuss it further. So a week or so later I went to their Mississauga office and met with a different lady than I had originally talked to.
“Where’s Kate?” I asked. “I thought we had a thing”.
“She’s at the main office in Toronto” My heart wasn’t broken for long. This new lady was very nice looking and within my age preference. You know, that narrow range of 18 to dead.
After 15 minutes or so she said “you’re perfect!”.
“Okay, my place or yours?”
“Are you really 61?”
“No, I’m a compulsive liar. I’m actually 75.
“You look 50, no, 45 or 40” ………
“Keep going lady, squander what’s left of your credibility,
what’s it going to cost?”
“You worry about money when we offer endless bliss with a soul mate carefully chosen for you?” (okay I made that last part up. If I heard soul mate even once I would have thrown myself out the window). I bit my lip fighting off the comment about the world’s oldest profession.
“I could lose my job if I told you”
WHAT!!??
“I’ll just say it isn’t cheap”
I was out of there. I did a little research later. I found a web site that compared the different services. Apparently, although they mostly aren’t scams, the ones that won’t tell you the fee up front can cost up to 10,000 dollars!! For 10 grand I want a trophy wife like hockey players have, with the blessed innocence of believing I’m always right and a tolerance for toilet seats left up.
That’s not the end of the story. I checked out one of those more familiar ones where you pay a monthly fee to have your little story and a picture on a list for others, who also paid a fee, to browse and perhaps make contact. Not even a nibble. The current unfunny joke is that perhaps I made a mistake in supplying a picture. But check this out. Age 61 (year and a half ago), Profession, job etc. MUSICIAN …………
Who the hell is 61 and still lists his job as MUSICIAN ?!?! In our twenties and thirties that joke that went:
“What do you call a musician who breaks up with his girlfriend? Homeless”, was shockingly close to the truth. What about if you’re less than five fingers from Seniors status? LOSER
See you next week.