A Day Of Love

Here we go. A post about nothing. Well, not exactly nothing. With St. Valentine’s day here I’ve decided to have a thoughtful look at the day of love. My ex had no use for “Hallmark Holidays”. Same with my girlfriend, Kim. Fine with me. Even if they did think those occasions were a big deal I’d forget them anyway so this saved and continues to save some wear and tear.

Even anniversaries and birthdays are a challenge to me. Those are non-negotiable as I’ve discovered over the years, and it gets harder and harder each time to explain my lack of even a passing acknowledgment. Three or four days pass then in horror I apologize and seriously consider buying a guilt gift. Kim doesn’t like gifts. An extraordinary lady. Ya gotta love her. A girl after my own heart.

But St. Valentine’s Day isn’t really a Hallmark holiday. It’s been around in some form or another since 600 BC. In those days it obviously wasn’t named after a saint because there were no saints yet. There were angels and a very irritable, testy god according to the semitic writings of desert nomads who were usually dehydrated, hungry and themselves pissed off. And those angels didn’t look like Roma Downey. Not a chance. They were all effeminate males playing harps and flapping their wings. I was telling this to a friend recently emphasizing the fact that there were no females and he summed it up brilliantly in one word. A poem in just two syllables:

“Bummer”

No dinner, no movie

In ancient pre-Christian Rome, there was a celebration in the middle or ides, of February. It was a sure sign of spring that the birds began mating around that time. It was a celebration and an encouragement of fertility. It was the festival of Lupercalia. Being Roman it necessarily had a few quirks. One of those quirks consisted of sacrificing some goats and dogs to appease and honour Faunus, the god of agriculture. They would then rip the hides off the goats and cut them into strips and dip them in the blood of the animals. The boy-men took the bloody strips and would chase and hit the women with them. If one of these debauched young Romans caught one of the girls (or more likely the girls allowed themselves to be caught) they were obligated to stay together for a year,  presumably fornicating endlessly in the hopes of making more Romans. 

And I thought online dating was awkward  

Check out Rome’s contributions to western civilization

The orgiastic spring ritual Lupercalia, had a good 800 years to develop into something that would make even old Tiberius and Caligula blush. Constantine decreed that all of Rome should be Christian in 313 but it was still 200 years before church officials finally and officially changed Lupercalia to St. Valentine’s Day. The empire, and particularly the rulers of the empire had a millennium in which to develop, edit and polish pretty much all the kinks and fetishes that are popular today.

Because of Constantine, wonderful pastimes like Gladiator battles and chariot races at the Colosseum were ended. There was nothing better on a Saturday afternoon than have a cup of mead and watch fifteen or twenty Christians be fed to the lions. 

If I’ve drained every drop of romance out of this day for you then ………..well, then…….. tough. Sue me.